so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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