i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize