I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
