Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Randomize
