Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
