i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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