I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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