Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
