I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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