i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
