Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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