neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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