He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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