if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
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