I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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