Can i not drive my cunt home
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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