my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
