I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
