i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
