His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
