Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
