Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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