i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
