Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(519): View more from Ontario

dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes

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(813): View more from Florida

So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks

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(505): View more from New Mexico

There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.

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(228): View more from Mississippi

He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"

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(801): View more from Utah

P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.

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(44): View more from United Kingdom

All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet

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(775): View more from Nevada

note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86

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(201): View more from New Jersey

nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done

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(224): View more from Illinois

Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.

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