but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
