Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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