I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I can't trust your balls anymore.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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