Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
