Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
