I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize