i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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