oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
