did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
