ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
The feeling are messing with the penis
Someone came in the potted fern
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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