I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
try to milk me bitch
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
