I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize