He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
