Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
