i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
