Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
