omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i came on her dog
two words...techno handjob
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
