i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
