From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
