How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
