i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize