What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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