I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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