brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
