In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
