I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
