I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
