I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
