This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
