She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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