I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
sarcasm needs its own font
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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