I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
