what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
