One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
