It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
