The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
its liver damage thursday
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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