I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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