I heard we made out
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
