At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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