thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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