we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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