Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
