508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
