it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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