So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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