Who wears a wallet chain?!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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