piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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