That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Someone signed my nipple.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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