If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
