All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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