We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
