Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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