Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
