Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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