Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
