The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
