I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You took a bar mat shot.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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