She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
